March Woman! Women and Mental Health. #UnchainingMe

Tiemert Shimelis is the founder of UnchainingMe.

A podcaster and life coach who carries a deep passion for sharing with others the joy and contentment she continues to discover while on a journey of unchaining herself. UnchainingMe is her way of sharing her valuable epiphanies. It is a way of life, a sacred practice, a curious and open-minded way of relating with ourselves and with the world around us. It leaves no stone unturned, no dark corners unexamined, to move past patterns of suffering and into the light of awareness where our authentic selves can emerge and thrive. It is free of judgement and practices radical acceptance while utilizing the power of altering our thoughts to in turn unchain ourselves from staying stuck in undesirable situations. As a content creator online, she continues to inspire, motivate and educate her audience on this path to freedom she says saved her life. In order to make a deeper and lasting impact while working with clients on an individual basis, she is currently working as Life coach, and motivational speaker.

The name “unchangingMe” came to her while she was on vacation specifically in Debrezit talking to her husband about a blog, a channel that was in her mind for the longest time as she remembers.

Talking about her/ Their personal life wasn’t an ideal way of healing/ sharing experience for most and she knew

these things are deep and wanted to make sure Her partner was on board as well, which he wasn’t but I think he started realizing her talent, passion and the love and care she can share with others, how liberated sharing her story makes her feel, he became one of her biggest supporter.

We remember the joy on her face when her husband and kids surprised her with a new studio they set up for her. Pure joy!

On that same Trip (Debrezit) looking at the beautiful lake, Tiemeret wrote the “About me” page on her notepad and a few weeks after her website was being build a friend of them.

Prior to uncaring me Tiemerte said she was ashamed about her story and how other people will see it, until she realized she is running from away from her own truth.

“ yes we all have to own our stories and maybe we're not all going to write books or be podcast hosts or starting YouTube channel sharing those stories but behind closed doors and within ourselves we have to come to a place of accepting what our lives once were and even to the point where we can embrace and be happy about them”

that we can even bless the people who were the main characters of our stories the villains in our stories when

we look back the people who triggered as the people.... The people who tripped us, because

If you truly love where you are right now there is no reason why the building blocks that made you YOU, that got you here.

Also knowing forgiving them, loving them, embracing them, doesn’t mean reaching out.

We asked Tiemert some questions to get to know her better....

AboutUs: In your words ... who is Tiemert?

What has she done, what is she doing,

Short introduction (I wanted you to have this opportunity to tell us who you are)

Tiemert: So we're starting with my least favorite question ( laugh ) so I hope that means it's going to get better and better from here.Why I don't like answering this question is because one can't help but get into the mindset of “oh let me highlight everything that I've done, everything that I'm going to do so I can look big and impressive. It takes you into a place of comparing yourself with others too, add a bunch of titles and boxes which I try to stay away from. It gets you in the ‘doing’ kind of definition of life rather than the ‘being’ kind of definition of life which is what I tend to gravitate towards. Of course it can be important to share accomplishments and plans sometimes so I will answer in short,

I am a life coach, a podcast host, a writer and an author in the making. I utilize YouTube and other social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook where I try and raise awareness on things that matter so much to me starting from my own experiences. Those include mental health, sexual assault, motherhood, relationships, the empowerment of women and more. Currently I'm on maternity leave. I have a large family, a little baby, a toddler and older kids, my kids and step kids, so right now the words that define me are mom and wife because I'm dedicated to sacrificing everything that I have as far as time, energy and other resources are concerned I dedicate to that. I am looking forward to returning to bring things into manifestation that I hope would elevate the consciousness of women and generally people out there while at the same time elevating mine while at the same time educating and unchaining myself from different things that may be holding me back.

AboutUs: Most of us know you from IG where you share your truth unapologetically,

When did you realize it was ok to share your private life mostly your struggle?

Tiemert: It Wasn't really one time, one day or a specific place that I can remember myself feeling, realizing that it was OK to start sharing my life and my struggles unapologetically. It was a gradual process I would say. Because I really got sincerely exhausted of not being myself, of picking some parts of my story to honor and other parts to not honor or to not share or to feel ashamed of, to even lie about sometimes. My courage came from disliking the heavy weight I felt to hide and also it came from realizing that in sharing openly, there's healing. The courage that I felt whenever I shared my struggles and my mistakes was empowering. I also started to realize that owning my story took power from other people and returned it to me. Honoring my story and my struggles, being able to teach from that place and to help other people who are in the same place that I used to be hiding and lying about it and pretending things were OK. It gave me a sense of purpose and I vowed to make it my path.

AboutUs: How did you start to address your trauma and struggle to yourself and your loved ones and how was the response to that?

Tiemert: Addressing it to myself took a long time because like I said I hid from it all I pretended I was ok. I didn’t embrace my own story and that took a very long time and lots of therapy. A lot of curiuous reading, journaling and a lot of ‘dark nights of the soul’, lot of running away from

my past and my past catching up with me. Quite a bit of repeating my patterns until I realized there was a common denominator in all of those stories and that was me. Then it was clear that I had to face them head on and once I started doing that, many things about me were noticeably different. That was not celebrated by everyone around me. There were some friends that couldn't deal with the reality of a new Tiemert and naturally fell off, there were some that I had to learn how to draw boundaries with. There were places I had to move out of and then in a very almost magical turn of events the people that started being attracted into my life and the people who stuck around tended to be amazingly supportive and understanding. When it comes to family and specifically parents and siblings, things were a bit different. There were siblings that were on par with the way I was transforming and then there were some that to this day don't understand my path. They know it's doing me a world of good and doing some good to the world too but they're not open to applying it into their own lives so every relationship every friendship really had its own organic way to either flourish or die out.

When it came to my husband he had the open heart and open ears to listen and to understand. We pledged that we were going on the healing journey together so it wasn't just my path but shared. He was unbelievably supportive and continues to be just that.

AboutUs: As we all know our community (Habesha) we don’t have the knowledge how to communicate with our families and friends, coworkers, employees, Teachers, etc.. you seem to have been empowered by your struggle and even helping others.

What was your biggest struggle and how did you overcome that? Your Secret/ your motivation?

Tiemert: The biggest struggle was obsessing over people’s opinions of me. “what would people think of me?” and I don't think I'm the only person who feels that continually wonders if people judge me for my story. How I overcame that was by realizing and by also experiencing that when you break that spell of fear of judgment, it sets you on fire with power, it really gives you a sense of control and power it doesn't weaken you which is what I used to think. I thought strength came from other people approving me and I found out that no, strength comes from honoring my voice and being courageous, talking about the hard things, reaching out and touching people positively and allowing my passion and my intent to show through my work. I found immense power and purpose through that and I stopped allowing fear of judgement debilitate me.

Whenever I meet a woman or any person who says “I have been down this road and thank you so much for talking about it. You encouraged me to look for help, you encouraged me to ask for guidance, to be introspective about my issues” whenever I heard that I got just a little bit more motivated. so, I think the advice I would give about motivation Is deeply realizing that the strength you hold within you, other people's judgments cannot get to it unless you let them.

That the obstacle you face is the way. The mistakes, the setbacks, the challenges, the depression and anxiety... that is your way to go through in life and you will get to that place where it will all make sense. Where the hardships that you've gone through have actually increased your ability to bring your dreams into reality, to find your purpose, to get to your calling and to give and to be blessed in return. If you are in the thick of it, keep pedaling, keep walking whatever you do, don't stop! Whatever you do don't turn back just keep moving forward but hold onto those experiences, even the negative ones, especially the negative ones, because we pay attention when we're in pain and if we pay enough attention when we're in pain if we don't try and numb it and avoid it and hide from it and shy away from it then that pain is there to teach us loads about ourselves, the people around us and about what we should be doing in this in this earth if we are to meet our purpose head on.

AboutUs: How did it feel to be able to see yourself grow emotionally/ psychologically and what do you say to the rest of us who are working on recognizing and working on our struggle? What is the one thing that made it all worth it? Or even a few things.

Tiemert: It feels invigorating and fills me with gratitude when I look back at my journey. It is worth it because it saved my life, I have tried to end my life on a couple of occasions and had I not changed my path and sought help, had I not really faced my issues head on, it was only a matter of time until it consumed my whole existence and ended me. My life makes it worth it, my breath makes it worth it, my husband and my kids make it worthwhile. The people that I was able to help and inspire make it all worth it. I'm grateful for everything in my life, my relationship with life has changed completely doesn't mean everything is rosy by the way,

I still have terrible days, bad days, I still wonder when could the depression return? Is this another episode? What if I fail? Life is still happening and I experience the gloomy sides to it but the difference is that now I allow it without resistance. I don't hold on to this idea of a perfect life anymore I go with the flow of the seasons of my life.

AboutUs: Who is your biggest supporter in all of this (coming out and talking about your struggle and triumphs, the whole unchaining process)?

Tiemert: My husband he's been through it all with me and he is my rock! He motivates me to keep showing up even when I don’t feel that courageous sometimes. He embodies a great deal of courage in supporting me through what I am called to do because this is also his story; it's our kids’ story too.

Whatever I decide to put out there affects him too and he's not a public person at all. He's a person who's grown so much since we met in his own individual journey and he cherishes my journey and he wouldn't let me hide it if I insisted on it. He motivates me to create and share, gives me the time by helping out with the kids after a demanding full time job, he is my biggest advocate, my biggest supporter. I can't emphasize his role enough, we Unchained together and that's what makes our relationship so beautiful.

AboutUs: Our community sees Mental Health service users way different than other services users.

How do you cope with the overwhelming questions/ conversation regarding your past struggle, your lifestyle,

your work etc? What's your advice for anyone struggling out there?

Tiemert: First of all you're not alone! That is the worst thing about depression and other mental illnesses, that we feel as though we are the only ones going through it at that time and we don't share it because we will be judged and we are the only ones no we're not ok.

People suffer in silence. Many in our community are going through it. Just as people can develop medical illnesses, psychiatric illnesses and depression are real and in today’s world and they are more prevalent. Many lead stressful lives out there, the world is going through a lot of traumatizing twists and turns, most of us carry trauma that we haven't resolved yet, so it’s safe to assume that someone you know is most likely suffering from some kind and level of mental illness. We need to try and feel safe to talk about these things with each other, to share and hide behind smiles and day to day routines. Find out the help that is available to you, go on Google and search for resources. You need to invest in your mental health. I don't know what else is worth investing in to be honest because at the end of the day if you are not well mentally, nothing else will work out for long enough. So prioritize that, seek help, don’t be afraid of the truth, you may have a messy past you may have made mistakes and may have gone through trauma, you may be suffering at this

moment, don't shy away from facing the messy middle and understand that this is the messy middle that gets better, nothing is permanent, things always change be comfortable in knowing that there is fluidity to life and things will continue changing.

AboutUs: What do your future plans look like regarding your work with others and yourself?

Tiemert: Well my future plan includes a Book or books (laugh) going back to coaching after maternity leave is over, grow my podcast and my online activities on YouTube, Facebook and InstaGram so I can grow the Unchainingme community. But at the moment, priority is to be present with my family, my kids and my husband.

AboutUs: Anybody you know want to thank or recognize?

Tiemert: My husband, the love of my life, I wouldn't be able to do most of the things I'm able to do if it wasn’t for his support and understanding! Also women who I've met online who have been more than friends and more like family to me sharing my work appreciating my contributions, showering me with encouragement and love saying “good job Berchi!” I absolutely am grateful to have those people in my life and part of my unchanging journey and I'm so proud of them for what they're doing in their lives and chasing their dreams every day. Also so thank you goes out to you for this opportunity!

THE END

“Finding success through meaning was another journey unchangingMe took me down”

I want you to reflect on your intent of what you want to do and why if you cannot reach out and touch someone with what you do if you cannot reach out and serve somebody with what you do? I plead with you to reconsider it

to reconsider your intentions maybe not exactly what you do but why you are doing it because if you want a sustained and fulfilling rather journey you've got to make sure that there is service in it!

that's the best thing we can do, be a service and give to others.

So, whenever my self-doubt comes up, what I do is remind myself that it's not me.

I know... my strength and my guidance is going to come from my source from which I get my talents and gifts from.

and the other one is I am reaching out and being used as a vessel to help others to serve others that just knowing that sustains me.”

She can never fail with words and we don't have anything to add on what she said, but to be grateful for having an incredible and courageous woman to look up to.

Thank you.

Stay safe

Meron.S/ Tiemert.

Website: https://www.unchainingme.com

Instagram:https://instagram.com/unchainingme?igshid=sxpuo9i70m1b